How To Handle The Unexpected

I want to talk about what to do when situations in our lives fall through the cracks. It can be extremely frustrating. So how do we manage our emotions when the unexpected happens?

Recently I had a show get cancelled on me only two days prior to the event. I had already sorted the childcare, the music, turned down other opportunities, only to be told that the other band involved wanted to push the date, leaving the venue no choice but to cancel. The moment I read the email I went into panic mode. I had to cancel the childcare last minute, not being fair to the childminder's schedule. I had to make sure that all who were coming to the gig knew it was cancelled, so they didn't waste their time. I had to try and not feel sorry for myself, that I had let go of other opportunities. Once the initial panic was over, I took a deep breath and said, right, I have done everything I could possibly do as damage control, and then left it at that. For some reason, the whole situation didn't stay with me and weigh on my mind. I was quickly able to let it go. The two years ago me could have never done that. So what changed?

For me it's accepting that the majority of the time, life is out of our control. No matter how hard we try to be perfectly organised, in life there are chain reactions that potentially knock us down. In my case this has happened many times. I had an understanding that most knock down moments in life were out of my hands but not a full accepting of it. This is the difference.

Same weekend, we were prepared to film our music video for my next single, Lioness. Not sure what it is with the short notice, but the videographer start asking us for certain things last minute. Wanting to oblige to his needs, we responded asking him for more detail as to what he needed. A day passed. Two days passed. No response. No response up until now and the shoot was supposed to have taken place two days ago. Again we had to plan childcare, shooting locations, finish the storyboard, etc. I was not happy. How did I deal? You know that saying, everything happens for a reason? Well it's true. The way I see it, is that we were not meant to work with this particular person, allowing us to open the door for a new working relationship with another talented individual.

Another unexpected life problem handled.

We get knocked down, but we move on. We can only control our actions, and so if something happens and you can't fix it, it's ok. Do your best to make it better somehow and know that that's enough.

What Happens If Your Career Needs To Change?

I recently posted a picture of Jessica Alba and her family on my Hunny Hive instagram account @the_hunny_hive because she is a fantastic example on how sometimes you have to take a step back from your current career in order to nurture your new role as a mother. Jessica Alba was a very successful film and television actress, but after giving birth to her daughter Honor and then Hayes, you didn't see much of her at all. Behind the scenes, she was building a business based on her new role as a mother. Something she could do from home, something she believed in and something that worked with her lifestyle. So became the Honest company, named after her daughter Honor.

Having children can inspire other passions within you and it's ok to explore them. If you find yourself drifting away from your previous career goals, that's ok.

Sometimes you are still very much passionate about your work life but can't balance both the current career and parenthood and so need to be open to other opportunities that may not have been previously appealing. This is ok as well, and could be an exciting opportunity to explore new life goals that come with being a parent.

Nothing in life ever has to be final, and so if one career position transitions into another, it doesn't mean you can't ever transition back. Anything is possible.

I started this blog because the challenges of becoming a mother in the entertainment industry were really hard. I am still struggling at times. Though I love being a mom, I do sometimes get down due to the fact that I have less time for my career, my hustle can't be as strong not having the time and freedom I had before. This however is the life I chose, and I couldn't imagine life without my babies. I also believe that I am a better artist having had children and failure is just not an option. I have had to take on other jobs, like teaching on the weekend and giving private singing lessons in order to give my children the best life, but I will never stop making music.

Keep your vision strong and open your mind to other opportunities, but never give up on your dreams.

Love

HunnyB

Kids or Career?

A teacher in college one said that we can't have a successful career in the arts and have kids. That has stuck with me till today. When I got to an age where I was ready to have children,  I was afraid of what that would mean for my career, as I was still building and not where I wanted to be. I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome, the number one cause for infertility in women. I was always made to feel that no one wanted to work with an artist who was a mum or even someone in a relationship. That being single was better. I decided to ignore the voices in my head and go for it.

I was terrified of sacrificing my career, but I was even more terrified of not being able to have children.  I decided to see a naturopath and within the first month of trying, I fell pregnant.

The acting work I was doing didn't stop until I started to show and then I focused on my music. This was my way of staying creative and still keeping my career alive and on my terms.

After I gave birth, I went back to work almost straight away, bringing my new born with me if I had to. There were things of course I couldn't do but things I still could. I had, and still have an amazing support system and was never ashamed to ask for help.

Today I see more and more women in the entertainment industry, being mothers, finding success and I think to myself, no woman should ever be told they have to choose between a family and a career.

I still remember a colleague of mine going to every audition with her 2 kids in tow and little does she know, she inspired me all these years. Oh and she worked like crazy.

I am now a mum of two and still working in the arts. No one said it would be easy, but anything is possible.

I decided to live in the moment and the future would take care of itself. Well I'm glad I did. It's hard work but glad I have a reason to work even harder.

Working Mom Guilt

Being a working mother is challenging, and  that feeling of guilt when leaving our children is just not needed on top of everything else we have to juggle. That image of our child pressed up against the window with tears streaming down his/her face and a scream that sounds like their world is ending is horrible to witness. This will make any parent feel a pang of guilt. How do we rid ourselves of feeling like we are doing something wrong?
We must remember that young children are resilient.  They don't really have a good sense of time yet, and so what 'break down' you see when you leave, will only last a short while, until your child realises everything will be ok and they can still have fun without you. We as parents have a harder time letting go of things. We can learn from our children in this respect. If your children are in good hands, those tears will soon become smiles.

What if you come home after your child goes to bed, and leave for work before your child wakes? This can be another type of guilt. Will your child know who you are, or feel resentful towards you for not being there? Tough pill to swallow, right? Sometimes it is hard to watch someone else raise your child, but remember that children hold on to precious memories, so when you do have your days off, organise the most fun weekend ever and trust me, your child will never forget and will build a  special bond with you, even in those few short days a week.

You might be thinking, 'well kids grow up, and then they do have a concept of time and will feel a certain way, or suffer from me not being around much.' 'What happens if I have to miss dance recitals or soccer games?' True it gets a bit trickier the older the child becomes, and as I am currently a mom to 2 young children, I have yet to figure this out as time goes on and mine grow up. This is where I believe employers need to be more flexible, in order to allow parents the time to schedule in important family events. If that means you have to work later, then work later. Sacrifice where you have to in order to be there for your child. If your boss is difficult and not accommodating to you trying to find a balance, even though you will get the work done, then I would suggest looking for another job opportunity to give your time and expertise to. This is, of course, easier said than done but where there's a will there is a way. Your kids are worth it.

The Hunny Hive - Creating an inspirational place for career women either pregnant, already with children or who want children

Over a year has gone by since posting on my blog. I have been busy being a working mother of two. Still doing my thing in the entertainment industry, I have taken on new endeavours making my work/home balance a challenge. I have high expectations for myself and to me, success is only achieved when giving your all and best to something. Sometimes I think, "wow this would be so much easier without the kids" or "I wonder where I would be if I had no other responsibilities other than myself." It's true, the game of life gets more difficult when you factor in a family, however, in my opinion, the rewards/payoff are much bigger and better when you have a beautiful family to share your life with. Those thoughts, however, are fleeting because, in all honesty, I could never imagine life without my boys. Everything I do is for my kids, and yes sometimes there is guilt when I have to leave them, or when I have the bad mum days where I forget an appointment or birthday party. I have nights where I am up working till 3am or 4am because I was unable to work during the day while home, parenting. It is not easy having to juggle family life and career, but with proper planning, a strong support network, drive and passion, it is possible to be fantastic at both. I wanted to turn this blog into a place for career women either pregnant, already with children or who want children to find motivation, inspiration, empathy, hope and maybe some good advise. I get asked all the time how I handle everything I do while taking care of two young children, and so I thought why not pass on some knowledge while creating a space where women can share stories ask questions and relate to one another. Please let me know if there are any topics you would like to discuss or have any questions in regards to 'The Hunny Hive'. Women should not feel as though they have to choose between a career and children. Let's empower each other and be part of the change.

LOVE HunnyB

Going Back to Work With a Newborn

On February 2nd 2018, my life changed for the better. I was blessed with another healthy baby boy. Two weeks after his birth, I made the decision to go back to my Saturday teaching job . Granted, I am self- employed, don't work full time hours, and love my job, which of course makes it easier.

Four weeks after giving birth, I went back to recording music. Five weeks after birth, I put myself on tape for a film audition, as I was requested by the production company.

Mid April I will go back to teaching more days, and begin rehearsals for a musical.

Some people think I'm crazy, and maybe I am, but I see no reason why I can't do it all. Taking time off is important for sure, and many mothers embrace this time. Don't get me wrong, I am still taking in every moment with my newborn - soaking up his smell, his noises, his facial expressions, his warmth. I am just not mentally equipped to stop working. When you love your work, it's hard to pull away. Continuing to do what I love helps me stay sane, and in turn I'm a better mommy to my boys. It can be overwhelming at times, but very rewarding.

I get asked how I juggle work and motherhood. The key is having a strong support system. I am lucky to have this in my husband and other family members. I am also very lucky to have some employers who are flexible and allow me to bring the new baby if need be.

The truth is, it's not easy. However it can be done. So many women in my business, entertainment, decide to not have babies, putting their careers first, and then when they change their minds, it's too late. It is possible to have it all ladies. It's hard work, but we women are capable of the unimaginable.

Stay Strong, Do What you Love, Challenge Yourself, Believe Anything Is Possible.

Love
HunnyB

NHS Pee Cups

Being pregnant is awesome. Well for me it is, until I have to see the midwife or doctor and I'm asked to urinate in a vial.  Yes, a vial. Not just any vial, but the smallest vial you could think of. I don't understand why in the UK they give you such tiny tubes to pee in. I mean, it's impossible not to pee all over your hands. Gross, right? I know, but it's reality. In Canada, at least urine cups are 'CUPS.'


I remember the first time they gave me 'the vial' and said please bring this back, I looked at it like, "What am I supposed to do with this?"

Even after having urinated in this narrow tube several times, I am no better at it. It terrifies me every single time. I'm still trying to figure out the trick. Do I sit? Do I squat? Is there a trick? The worst part is that when you get bigger, peeing in the vial gets harder...you can't see a thing.

You might think, why is HunnyB blogging about this. Well, I honestly believe the NHS need to make a change. The NHS need to make several changes, but why not start with the pee cups.

I am sorry about my crude rant, but I need to be honest about this horrible issue. Who else is going to speak up about it? All you mommies are nodding your heads, saying, "Yes, It's so true," but never dare say anything.

Well, it's time the truth be told. These petite pee tubes aka 'the vial' have got to go.

Tune in for my next blog as I promise it will be more biscotti and less grotty.

Love HunnyB